It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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