Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
