when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
