If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
