Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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