There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
