it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
