Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
