i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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