So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this beer tastes like vomit already
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
