the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
