It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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