Will you blow on my dice?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
