where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
