If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
