You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
