sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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