So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
