phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
