Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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