Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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