I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
