The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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