just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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