the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
