McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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