As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
