Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
