I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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