Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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