wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
time to smoke my breakfast
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
