cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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