I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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