I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
