I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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