im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
