My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
