my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Who died my cat blue again?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
