why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
