I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
