Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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