it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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