the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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