Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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