I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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