Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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