Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
