i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
