I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
