LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
