I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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