It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i'm inner monologue high
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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