Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
