Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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